Sirius Creative Musings

Even thoughts are heavy...

2006-10-10T11:26:00.000-04:00

A wise man once said "I was not born with enough middle fingers". Not that it would do any good. It's like shouting at a wall, you can yell at the world all you want but don't expect a response.

Venting here does a little good at easing my frustrations, but, the problems persist. After talking with the doctor and finding out Dad will eventually succumb to the cmml is hard to take. I try to help as much as I can and always be there for them but I also find it frustrating that Dad does not consider anyone but himself. I am here to help any way I can but I have a family and responsibilities I need to tend to myself.

On a good note I have certain opportunities opening up to me but at the same time it could not have happened at a worse moment in my life. Why can't things just fall into place when they are supposed to. With all of the stress I am under I find it difficult to concentrate at work. Let alone be creative at home. And being creative is one of the things that bring me great joy.

I know it's better to adapt to change but can't things just ease off just a little. How can anyone get comfortable in a life...ever?

Carpe Scrotum

2006-07-13T13:23:00.000-04:00

Yes, once again life has got me by the short and curlies. Dad is sick once again and all of us believe it's the "C" word. At 71 he still seems too young for this shit. If it wasn't this it would be something else I'm sure. All I can do is wait and be supportive.
And of course my creativity is at an all time low. I don't feel like doing a damn thing. Even playing games has lost it's luster. At 38 I feel that I'm stuck in a shit job and that any of the dreams I had when I was younger have faded to black and white. When I was young they were full of color and hope. Yet, I will not let go of them even after they have long turned to dust. I refuse to give up. The chance of resurection will always be there.

NEver give up and never let go...

Creative Process

2006-02-28T01:13:00.000-05:00

Having my life sucked away by Neverwinter Nights I've turned my attentions away from games for awhile. At least in part.

I'm getting back into the creative process. Modeling and drawing once again. Remember the blue pencil...yea, that one. Well I've got it going again so hopefully I can update my web page with some new content.

Unfortunately I seem to have lost a partner in crime (at least temporarily, I hope). As my good friend Brian has had an overdose of life and it has brought his creativity to a screeching halt. If you read this Brian I hope things are going better for you and call me if you need me!

To quote Hellboy: "Aw Crap!"

I Am Consumed!!

2006-01-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

I started playing Neverwinter Nights again!
My god what a game! I have never had so much fun from a single game in all of my life.

This game is almost four years old and still kicks the crap out of most PC games out today. I mean once you finish the main campaign (which is about 40 hrs alone) you still have two expansion packs and 4 or 5 "Premium Modules" to do. Not to mention all of the community modules that are out there.

I'll be in my "cave" for years on this one.

Ah! I long to play D&D again (Pen and Paper). If only I could find a good group of people around here to play with :(

Christmas a Humbug uncle?

2005-12-16T21:29:00.000-05:00

Well, tis the season to be grouchy, rud, vicious and to act the animal I know you humans to be.

WalMart should burn in the Seventh Circle of Hell. At least that's the opinion of this humble scribbler. It attracts the most detestible creatures every to fornicate on the face of this planet.

What would be wrong about giving all year long? Why have Christmas anyway. There is very little "Christian" about it. Just think about it for a minute...

If people "gave" all year long (not just materialistic gifts, mind you)and not wait for some ridiculous "season" to do it would that not make this world a better place.
Whay should we wait for a specific time to be charitable.

NUTS! I say.

Keep your religion at home!

2005-11-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

Sorry Dover school board! I guess the general public didn't agree with your agenda. Neither did I. So we voted your asses out of office. Now I wait with trepidation to see how the new school board will handle things.

And on that fine note Ranae and I decided to home school Alix. Sounds like a big responsibility but all three of us are excited at the prospect and feel that we are more than capable to do the task at hand. One does get sick of public school and their agenda to label every student with A.D.D. so they can get more money from the state.

What a pathetic society in which we live.

Work still sucks and I'm on the verge of telling a certain female canine that she can go procreate in an asexual manner.

Isn't life just peachy?

Is this what I have to look forward to?

2005-10-27T00:22:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately my creative side has taken a nose dive.
Once again Dad is in the hospital and it looks like surgery this time.

There is nothing like this kind of reality check to put things in perspective. Is this what I have to look forward to? Falling apart by the time I'm in my seventies? It seems that humans are so inundated with problems in their day to day existence that we often forget to have fun. We let stupid shit bother us and get in the way. We struggle for a meager existence and hope for better things only to realize that, in later years, that all of the things we deemed important are bullshit and what we forgot to do was simply enjoy ourselves.

Life does not have to be that hard. We are the ones who make it so.

Time to enjoy the Autumn foliage and have fun with my children.

I love you Dad!

A mesh scrapped. A new design...

2005-10-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

While I was at work today (wink) I came to the conclusion that it would not be a good idea to use the model of the Nautilus I had completed for my level. The reason being that it was the one straight from Disney. I could follow the book discription but, frankly, it's quite booring. So I decided to do my own design. More to come.

I don't know what it is about using blue pencils but it's like I'm taken over by the Dark Side of the Force and become a drawing madman. The compositions turn out great and the ideas flow.

I ordered a dozen from Staples :) World watch out!

Same ol' B.S. at work.
Here, let me give you an idea:
I work for a major industrial player in the "International" HVAC market. This company make millions a year...I work in a delapidated, moldy, smelly ass trailer.
There are 9-soon to be-10 of us crammed into it. Little to no air flow. And what little air conditioning we do have is controlled by this little dweeb who thinks that when he goes home at 4pm (because the little ass shows up for work at 6am to surf the f*cking net until everyone else arrives) that it must be time to turn the AC off. Apperently we don't seem to need AC once he leaves. Dick.

Piss on it...more later. Ahhh! Back to my blue pencil!

To Work or Not to Work...

2005-10-14T21:56:00.000-04:00

That is the questions.
Meaning I probably should actually do my job instead of creating meshes for games.
The problem is that it's such a brainless endevor. I have to keep my interest up somehow. You can only take so much mindless drafting not to mention the two beotiches that love to point out what everyone does "wrong" and seemingly they always know the solutions.
Problem is they not only make up the rules as they go along but love to belittle people for fear there would be someone more intlegent.
Sorry sweethearts but you don't know jack shit! And it would probably reduce errors if you actually had fucking standards instead of making shit up as you go along.

Fuck York International. Trash Dump!

If my talents and creativity could be put to use somewhere other than that place.

Thank god it's done.....for now

2005-10-12T16:40:00.000-04:00

Finally! I finished the web site. Aside from a few minor gliches (like case sensitive Unix servers)which was expertly handled by my personal IT department. Thanks Brian. Once again you saved my ass.

Everything seems to be running smooth. Now it's on to bigger and better things.

Back to game design :)

I can now get back to work on that model I promised to skin. Once finished with that I can get to work on CTF Nemo's Lair.

I wish I could do this as a full time job. Someday it WILL happen.

Web site and other endevors

2005-10-12T00:36:00.000-04:00

Still working on my website and I gave up trying to incorporate a blog into it so I created this.
Ta Da! My very first blog.

Considering that I'm probably one of the only people that will ever read this I still think it's pretty cool.